Children are a blessing from Allah and being a parent is honourable. Allah refers to children as a gift and gives glad tidings in the Quran. When we realise we have this gift, then we will value it.
Once a person was gifted a hat, he thanked the giver many times. Haji Imadadullah Makki r.a said to him: “You thanked the creation of Allah many times. How many times did you thank Allah – The one who gave you the head that you place the hat on?” Therefore, appreciate and value the gifts from Allah.
If we look at the creation of trees, they are similar yet so different. Likewise, children too are different be it in their appearance, character, knowledge, ability and so on so forth. Don’t compare children with others. Like plants are different and unique in their own way, so is every child.
The Quran highlights the parenting of Prophet Ibrahim عليه السلام and Yaqub عليه السلام. Below are few lessons we can take to fulfill the rights of children:
- Be submissive to Allah ta’ala. Ibrahim عليه السلام was tested with his father and his community. He was tested with leaving behind his wife and child in a barren land. He was tested with being asked to sacrifice his son. But despite these tests, he remained steadfast and submissive to Allah. If we as parents are submissive to Allah, our children will adopt this also.
- Lead by example. The first madrasah of a child is the home and the teachers are the parents. Children learn from our actions more than our words. How our character is, will impact the character of our children. It is easy to blame others or society for rebellious children but sometimes it is due to ourselves. Qari Muhammad Tayyab r.a said, ‘Unlike rain, the environment at home is not out of our control’.
- Oversee children with technology. Technology can have benefits and harm depending on how it is used. Giving internet/devices to young children to use freely without restrictions or oversight is asking for trouble. The internet has no limit in fitna and a child has access to everything therefore parents overlooking is very important.
- Give time. When children speak or want something from their parents, they do not look for a suitable time, suitable place or a suitable day. They do not have this understanding and seek attention whenever they wish. When Yusuf عليه السلام went to his father to narrate his dream, his father gave time and attention. Therefore, when our children come to us to narrate something or ask for something, then give them attention and acknowledgment. If today we push them away then how do we expect them to talk to us in later years. Give time now and they will give time later.
- Do not criticise children harshly. The brothers of Yusuf عليه السلام tried to kill him. No where in the Quran will we find Yaqub عليه السلام calling his sons evil or corrupt due to their actions, rather he said, ‘Shaytan is a clear enemy’. This is one of the fundamental rights of our children, no matter how evil their action may be, we still make dua for them and help them in rectifying their mistakes.
- Keep their trust. When a child tells you something in private, then keep it away from others. Keep their trust. Yaqub عليه السلام kept the trust and didn’t tell his other sons about the dream Yusuf عليه السلام saw. If we keep to our words, our children will learn and adopt this good trait.
Scholars have said, if you do three things then you have fulfilled the rights of children:
- Always train them to speak the truth
- Train them to pray five times daily
- Create a sense of zeal for khidmah (helping others)
The main lesson for parents is leading by example, the better our character is, the better our children will be in the future. Their foundation of education starts from home.
We should be very mindful of our actions, for there are consequences. Fudaly ibn ‘Iyad r.a said, “Whenever I have disobeyed Allah, I have seen that impact on my children, my wife and even my mount’’. How we are towards them, they will be the same towards us in later years. Make the sacrifices whilst they are young to build a beautiful foundation and always remember hard work pays off.
The above is an edited summary from a lecture by Shaykh Muhammad Saleem Nawab حفظه الله in Darus Sunnah (Forest Gate) on 17 February 19
